


I'm not going to kill you

by thesupremegrinch



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2020-11-02 07:40:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20671118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesupremegrinch/pseuds/thesupremegrinch
Summary: Cordelia sacrifices herself to Michael to keep the witches and warlocks alive. What Michael ends up doing to her makes them all think they'd be better off dead.





	1. I’m going to keep you around

**Author's Note:**

> This might have ended up being too messed up.

Misty was sitting across the table from him, knowing this desperate attempt to reason with him was useless, but she had to try. Michael was really flexing his Antichrist potential. There was no way she could convince him to stop destroying Cordelia. He’d already destroyed the rest of the world and the witches were all stuck with him and the warlocks in Outpost 3.

Michael laughed cruelly in her face, “Nothing in this wasteland of a world could make me stop.”

Misty’s eyes drifted to his right to where Cordelia was sitting. Cordelia was silent and she had a blank expression on her face. This was how she was 90 percent of the time. When the witches had originally come to Outpost 3 to try to stop Michael, they were surprised when he had resurrected Ariel, John Henry, Behold, and Baldwin in front of them. They had expected that Michael had brainwashed them, and they would have to fight an army. That wasn’t the case.

The four warlocks were the same as before they died. Michael had taunted them all, “You can ban together if you want, you still can’t kill me.” He had been right. All of them together: Cordelia, Misty, Myrtle, Mallory, Zoe, Queenie, Madison, Coco, John Henry, Behold, Ariel, and Baldwin, hadn’t been strong enough to defeat him. He was POWERFUL and in his prime.

They had all been beat up, bloody, and bruised. Then, Michael set his sights solely on Cordelia, coming straight for her. His hand had roughly grabbed her arm, to which she tried to burn him with pyrokinesis and push him away with telekinesis. Both of the attempts had failed. He’d mockingly laughed in her face and then pulled her to the middle of the room by the hair of the head. He’d thrown her down in the floor.

Everyone else had tried using their powers on him simultaneously. They saw how helpless their Supreme was against him and it didn’t shock a single one of them when they couldn’t faze him either. He’d given them all an evil smile and said, “You can’t do shit to stop me. I can block your magic from touching me.”

Cordelia had looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. She knew this was it. He was going to kill her in front of all of them and then murder them all. She couldn’t do anything. She’d already tried everything she could think of and none of it had worked. She had let her Coven down. This was the end of them, the warlocks, and the world. 

Michael had stared down at her with a thrill in his cold eyes and a cruel tilt to his lips. He was the predator and she was the prey. And he was toying with her. He stepped closer and mockingly said, “Awe, Cordelia. You can exchange yourself for them if that’s what you would like. I’ll give you that choice.”

Cordelia knew there had to be a twist to the offer. He was going to kill her and them either way. She had no options, so she weakly said, “Yes, take me instead of them.” The way his entire demeanor became more demonic made her feel like she’d just stepped into a trap. He swiftly bent down, grabbed a fistful of her hair, and jerked her back up into a standing position with him.

Wincing from the pain, she felt droplets of his spit hit her face as he said, “It would be my pleasure. But…” That evil grin made her stomach turn at anticipation of what he was going to say. He continued, “I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to keep you around and make you completely compliant and passive to whatever I want to do to you.” Cordelia’s, along with everyone else’s in the room’s, stomach dropped. The possibilities of that, and the way he was looking at her, told her that death would have been a better outcome. His hand was still pulling tight to her hair as his eyes rolled back and he mumbled gibberish.

Everyone else had come to the conclusion that the spell, or curse, or whatever it was had, without a doubt, worked when he did what he did next. He flashed them all a devilish smirk before bending down and throwing Cordelia over his shoulder. “She’s coming with me,” he’d announced before leaving the room with her. Cordelia hadn’t made a peep or resisted.

Misty thought back to how she had reminded her of a ragdoll. And what Michael did next was still fresh in her mind because of how sick and disturbing it truly was. The witches and warlocks had stayed in the central room, looking around with frightened, distraught looks as they heard Michael slam one of the bedroom doors. They proceeded to hear his grunts and groans as they heard the headboard of the bed banging against the wall.

They had all freaked out and started crying. They tried to put a stop to it, but they couldn’t even enter the hallway that the bedroom was on. Michael had blocked it with his magic to keep them out. They couldn’t get close, let alone in the room. They were as powerless and helpless as Cordelia…she had to be subjected to it while they all had to listen and be tortured with the knowledge of the violation.

Even the warlocks had teared up. Surprisingly, Madison had been the one to distraughtly scream, “He’s raping the shit out of her,” as she bawled her eyes out. Misty had found her outburst surprising, but the look she noticed Zoe give Madison made her think there was a reason the outburst wasn’t so surprising to Zoe.

This had been weeks since now, where Misty found herself sitting across from them. Cordelia wasn’t the same person after he’d placed that messed up curse, spell, or whatever the fuck it was, on her. She was barely even a person anymore. She was Michael’s right hand. She was almost always with him. Whenever she was away from him and anyone tried to talk to her, she would answer whatever they asked and then she wouldn’t say anything else. She barely talked, she barely showed any emotion or thought processing. She obviously wasn’t fully aware or coherent enough to realize that what he was doing to her was wrong. She didn’t question it.

Twice, Misty and the others had tried to help her understand. Her expression had been confused and she couldn’t connect any two thoughts together. After the second attempt miserably failed, the witches and warlocks had ended up in tears again, which was how they often were now. Myrtle had sobbed as she desperately said, “We have to help her. She has to understand.”

Coco had hesitantly spoke up, “Do we really think she’d be better off understanding? He’s going to do it to her either way. I think…I think not fully understanding may be the less painful option for her.”

They all got quieter as they cried, letting what Coco was saying sink in. Ariel was the next one to speak, “What she said makes sense.”

Ariel had been so smug when Michael had brought Misty back from Hell a year and a half ago. She was so upset over Cordelia that she exploded with anger at his comment. She squared up with him, standing directly in front of him. She threw her arm back toward the other witches as she screamed at him, “Ya don’t care what happens to her. Ya helped in his ascension to power, ya bastard. Ya probably want us all to suffer.”

Everyone had been on edge, watching and hearing Michael rape and sexually assault Cordelia multiple times a day. Screaming at Ariel had resulted from the flood of emotion that Misty didn’t know how to manage. They had tried spells, even slipped Cordelia a potion in her water, and they still couldn’t penetrate the power of the curse.

Today, Misty felt like begging Michael to leave Cordelia alone couldn’t hurt. All he could do was laugh in her face, which he was doing now. Misty felt tears rolling down her cheeks. Cordelia looked dead inside. Misty thought that Coco had been right, if this was going to go on it was for the best that Cordelia was numb instead of terrorized with her own thoughts and emotions.

Misty’s eyes went back to Michael’s cold, reptilian ones. “Please, Michael. Please stop assaulting her and let her be normal again. Please.” Her desperation was greatly increasing, “What do ya want? I’ll trade places with her. Just leave her alone.”

He was looking at her like this was all some amusing game. He paused for a minute, letting her squirm under his gaze. He said, “You’re not the one I want. Do you have any idea how satisfying it is to have complete control over the Supreme?” His head slowly turned, and Misty watched his eyes fall down to Cordelia’s lap. His lips tilted up into a twisted smirk as he slowly turned his head to look back at Misty. He said, “I have two fingers buried in her and my thumb on her clit right now, where they’ve been since before you sat down. She can’t leave me, not that she’d want to.”

Misty’s skin was crawling at how disturbed she was. It was always unsettling for everyone to be around him and Cordelia when they were together. His statement didn’t really make sense, because they all knew Cordelia didn’t get any pleasure out of it. It was one-sided. All the groans and moans of release they could all hear were his. None of them were hers, ever. It was all just a massive power trip for him when he’d slip his fingers in her in front of Misty and the others or make her do stuff for him or start fucking her with them in the same room.

Cordelia didn’t want to do any of it. She was almost childlike in the way that she thought she had to do whatever he said. Misty let her eyes go over to Cordelia once more and her heart broke for her all over again. It was normal for Michael to treat her like this. Cordelia was at his beck and call. She was his. He rarely left her alone or kept his cruddy hands off her. Misty stood and regretfully walked away. Knowing Cordelia was in this position was the saddest thing she’d ever experienced in her life. It was even worse than when her own flesh and blood burnt her at the stake.

Four days later, Mallory and Zoe walked into the gut-wrenching sight of Cordelia sitting sideways across Michael’s lap in the dining room. He had an arm possessively around her as his right hand was underneath the bottom of her dress. When Michael noticed the two witches enter the room, he gave them an eerie smirk. “Well, hello ladies,” he’d said in a demeaning voice. Both Zoe and Mallory had teared up upon sight. Cordelia just simply turned her head and looked at them, her eyes and entire expression blank. She was seemingly unaffected by the whole thing…by his touch, the sad and dark atmosphere in the room, and the tears in their eyes. She didn’t say anything, just turned her head and let her eyes settle on a spot in the floor.

The next day, Michael had found all of them together sitting in the lounge area. He was halfway past the room, while pulling Cordelia along by the hand, before he decided to turn back and come into the lounge. He sat down in a chair as he urged Cordelia to sit on the couch beside where he sat. Already on the couch were Behold and Baldwin. The room was silent after his entrance; they knew this wasn’t going to be good.

They all took brief glances at Cordelia. None of them chanced looking at the Antichrist. He was despised by all of them and they wanted nothing more than to kill him. They worked together everyday to try to find a way to combine their powers and make him drop dead.

Michael leaned back in his chair, getting comfortable. He unbuttoned his pants and let the zipper come down right after. Myrtle quickly put a hand over her mouth and left the room, feeling like she was going to vomit at what she knew was about to happen. He held his hand out, letting it brush the back of Cordelia’s head. The witches and warlocks adverting their gazes as he pulled his dick out with his other hand. He looked at Cordelia, “Come suck on it.” 

Cordelia eased down to the floor on her knees. She crawled over in front of him, leaning forward as she took his dick in her hand. She pushed her mouth down on it and started sucking on it as she bobbed her head up and down. Michael cockily looked around the room and mocked them, “This is your Supreme.” His arms laid on the arm rests as his eyes briefly shut and he demonically smiled. “Umh,” he grunted.

Queenie, Coco, Zoe, and Mallory had left the room after this started. Michael’s eyes popped open as he saw the others: Misty, Madison, Behold, Baldwin, John Henry, and Ariel, walking over to the doorway to leave. Michael wanted them to revolt them more, he grabbed Cordelia’s hair and commanded, “Strip and ride me.” Cordelia stood and pulled her dress over her head without missing a beat.

When everyone saw her hands go around her back to unhook her bra, they all rushed to exit the room. Except Misty. She stopped and turned to see Cordelia get rid of her underwear and climb on top of him. Cordelia started riding him. Michael’s hands held onto her back as he groaned at his own satisfaction.

Misty hated him, she really hated him. She snapped at him, “Ya know she doesn’t like it so how does that even feel good for ya?” Michael’s eyes zeroed in one her, taunting her he asked, “Would you like it better if she enjoyed it? If I had her cumming and screaming my name?” At Misty’s silence, his fingers went to Cordelia’s clit, rubbing it quickly in harsh circles.

Cordelia sucked in an audible breath. “Ohh,” she moaned. She was still riding him, but he stood, picking her up. Then, he dropped to his knees in the floor, thumping her down on her back. “Ohh!” Misty saw Michael start pounding away as he fiercely rubbed her clit. Cordelia’s face was one of pleasure as she moaned desperately over and over. This was the first time Michael had made it feel good for her. “Uhh,” she moaned under him, “Uhhh…oh…ohh!” Her moans were getting more high-pitched.

Michael was grunting over top of her. He grunted out, “Scream my name when it feels so good that you can’t stand anymore, I want everyone to know how much control I have over you. Understand?” Cordelia simply nodded as she clutched onto him and squirmed.

Misty snarled her lip as she quickly left, not wanting to see the act anymore. Michael had talked to Cordelia like a child while he was busy violating her in such a disgusting way. She was halfway down the hallway when she heard Cordelia screaming, “MICHAEL!”

The next day, they were all finishing dinner when Michael pulled Cordelia up out of her chair and bent her over the table. He ripped her underwear off and started fucking her hard with a hand on her hip to hold her in place and his other hand pushing down on her shoulder blade to keep her down against the table. 

Naturally, the witches and warlocks scattered. It was traumatizing to watch Cordelia be treated so horribly and knowing they couldn’t do anything to stop it. Behold whispered to Misty and Zoe, “Nobody deserves what he does to her.”

About 20 minutes later, John Henry went into the dining room. He’d left his jacket in there, but he’d been reluctant to come back into the room. He was hoping Michael had finished with Cordelia by now. The closer to the dining room he got, the clearer he could hear Michael’s groans. He tried to tune them out, he still couldn’t completely tune them out, but he was getting better at it. What caught him off guard and made his soul shatter was what he heard that was different than usual. It was Cordelia whining, “It hurts, Michael. Stop.”

John Henry felt himself flinch. “No,” Michael answered. John Henry went into the room anyway to get his jacket. He noticed Michael was now holding Cordelia up against the wall that he’d passed upon entrance to the room. He’d seen them out of the corner of his eye, not directly looking at them until he’d gotten his jacket off the back of the chair he’d been sitting in and turned around to leave. Cordelia was now completely naked. Her legs were wrapped around Michael as he held her up and pounded her against the wall. Cordelia was crying. John Henry could see the tears falling from her eyes.

He rushed out of the room to go back to the lounge where the others were. He was out of breath from his hurried pace. They were all looking at him. He caught his breath and said, “We have to find a way to get her out of this. What I just witnessed…” he trailed off into a sob.

“What?” Myrtle asked in distress.

John Henry calmed himself enough to say, “She was crying and asking him to stop. He was obviously hurting her. His goal for the day seems to be…excuse my crassness…beating her raw.”

The sick feeling that the statements left in Zoe’s stomach caused her to bring her feet up onto the couch, bringing her knees to her chest and crying as she wrapped her arms around her legs. Misty and Myrtle exchanged a look on either side of Zoe with tear-filled eyes. Misty said to her, “We can’t stop until we figure out how to stop him. All of us dying would be better than this.”


	2. Worse before it's Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It only gets darker.

Mallory was in one of the lounge rooms with Coco, Myrtle, Misty, Zoe, Queenie, and Madison. She walked over toward the radio with Zoe and Coco to change the station. She suddenly got a pain that caused her to instinctually grab her inner thigh, "Ow!" She moved her hand away quickly after realizing how close it was to her private parts. Zoe and Coco were staring at her with worry. She tried to stand up straight, but the pain inside her body kept her from fully straightening her body. This time she was more expectant, her hand went to her lower stomach, "Ow!" she cried out in pain.

"Are you okay?" Zoe asked. The rest of the witches had abandoned their seats and came over to see what was wrong. 

She looked up at Zoe as she winced. She didn't know this was possible, but by the incessant pain...and where it was located, she knew what it was resulting from. Everyone was staring at her intently. "What's wrong?" Coco asked. This was going to be awkward.

Mallory quietly said, "I...um...can feel what Miss Cordelia is feeling." They were looking at her with confusion. She shyly continued, "I can feel the pain. He must be..." She trailed off as she looked down at the ground. The pain was getting more intense.

"What? How?" Queenie asked.

"So that piece of shit is raping two of us now?" Madison asked with disgust.

Misty looked at Mallory with worry. "Awwwwwwww," Mallory cried out as she fell to her knees and clutched at her stomach. Misty crouched down beside her, while patting her back she looked up at Myrtle, "How is this possible?"

Myrtle sank down in front of the two witches. She gently brushed Mallory's shoulder until the young witch's eyes met hers. Mallory had tears start falling from her eyes as Myrtle softly told her, "Cordelia's powers are diminishing from her lack of ability to use them. You said yourself that you can feel your own powers growing. Her powers are transferring to you as that bastard slowly kills her. As she gets weaker, you get stronger. As for now...you're feeling what she's feeling because it's like the two of you are merged as one."

Mallory's eyes squinted close as she tilted her head down, she clutched at her lower stomach and cried out at the pain. Misty pushed Mallory's hair back behind her shoulder and wiped the tears off her cheek for her. Mallory's voice waivered as she whimpered out, "I don't see how she stands this."

With tears in everyone's eyes, Zoe was the one to say, "I know we've said this before, but we have to stop him. Some way, somehow. There has to be a way."

"Hold up," Queenie said, "If Mallory keeps getting stronger, will she get strong enough to stop him without Cordelia dying?"

Upset and with tears in her eyes also, Madison harshly said, "Are you stupid, Bitch? Cordelia couldn't stop him. Do you really think Mallory will be able to?"

Zoe suddenly had a realization and voiced it aloud, "Cordelia wasn't at her full potential. Mallory was already gaining some of her power. Mallory at her prime may be able to stop him, but..."

"Cordelia would have to die," Misty sadly finished for her. Tears were flowing more freely from everyone now as they became increasingly distraught. Misty continued, "We can't let her die. She deserves such a better life than what she's had." 

Mallory quietly spoke up, "You're right, she does." She looked up and briefly looked at each witch, "You all should kill me. Maybe then she will be powerful enough to stop him."

"No, my sweet Mallory," Myrtle said as she scooted over and pulled her into a hug, "I love Cordelia like a daughter. Still, I will not allow you to sacrifice yourself. There has to be something we're missing."

Mallory hugged the older witch snugly and spoke barely above a whisper, "We've tried everything, Myrtle. If my only duty in life is to give my own for Miss Cordelia, then that's fine. I mean, hey," she attempted a chuckle, but it came out depressing, "Misty can bring me back to life, maybe..."

"That's not a given. My powers have been weaker ever since that night he first took Cordelia, it's like Michael is sucking the magic out of me," Misty sadly informed them.

"Holy shit!" Madison said abruptly. They all looked at her and she added, "He's attacking all of us. He's just more obvious about Cordelia."

Later, Michael was sitting on the couch in one of the rooms. Cordelia was standing at his side, completely naked. Sitting in chairs across from them were Behold, Baldwin, Aerial, and John Henry. Michael had used fear to keep them from leaving. He sucked on Cordelia’s nipple, with an arm wrapped around her and a hand on her other tit.

He pulled back, licking the nipple one last time before sucking the other one into his mouth. The warlocks kept averting their gazes, but it was like a train wreck. Their eyes kept going back. Michael released her nipple to suck on the inside of her breast. He nipped it then kissed between her breasts.

He pulled back, his fingers spreading her open as he licked three strokes on her clit. Cordelia softly moaned. He pulled back and all four of the warlocks deemed the look he gave her as disturbing. “Do you like that?” Michael asked her. Cordelia responded with a simple nod.

Michael looked at the warlocks with a demonic smile as he leaned against the back of the couch, undid his belt, and started undoing his pants, “I never thought I’d enjoy a woman’s body so much.” His eyes darkened with delight at the repulsed looks they have him. He pulled his dick out and grabbed Cordelia’s arm, “Ride me.”

Following the command, she climbed on top of him. Sinking down on him, she got busy riding him just how he liked. The fast in and out motions only proving pleasurable for him. Grunting, Michael harshly grabbed her hips. He’d taught her how to please him well. He was proud to have an audience watch her serve his every whim. His eyes found John Henry and Aerial he couldn’t see Baldwin and Behold since she was blocking his view. “Do any of you want a turn at her?”

“No,” they all quickly answered.

Michael grabbed Cordelia’s shoulder so harshly that his knuckles turned white. “She’s good...wait.” He grunted, his expression changing momentarily as he came. His breathing was heavy as he let go of Cordelia and she climbed off of him.

Michael put his dick back in his pants. As he finished fastening his belt his eyes glared at John Henry, “I know at least one of you are curious. And I know which one.”

John Henry tensed under his glare, “What? Me? No, I don’t want that. That’s rape.”

Michael looked at Cordelia, “Lay down in the floor and spread your legs for him.” When Cordelia did it without question, Aerial told Michael, “You degrade her to such a degree that it’s sick.” Aerial has greatly disliked Cordelia before all of this, but she was a person, she didn’t deserve being treated like his personal sex slave. And she especially didn’t deserve him making her have sex with other men to go on top of everything that he did to her.

Michael smirked as he stared John Henry down, “There she is, all spread out and waiting for you,” he taunted.

John Henry couldn’t believe it, “No! I’m not doing that!”

“Cordelia, crawl over and play with his dick.”

She crawled over to sit on her knees in front of John Henry. Her hand ran up his leg. John Henry grabbed it, he sympathetically but firmly said, “Cordelia, no. Stop.” Her other hand snuck up to rub his dick through his pants. It was unexpected and made him gasp. Her hand slid up to quickly undo the button on his pants and his zipper.

Her hand reached in and pulled his dick out. John Henry grabbed this hand too, “Stop,” he said. He may have been holding her hand, but she was still holding onto his dick. She moved her hand, softly stroking him. John Henry tried to get through to her, he looked into her eyes, “Cordelia, you don’t have to do everything he says. This isn’t right.” Her eyes lacked any recognition of how fucked up this was, which made his heart break for her.

“She wants to do it, and you want her to, so let her do it’” Michael said in a disturbingly manipulative way.

John Henry looked at him, “I don’t want her to!”

“Then, why are you getting hard?”

John Henry didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t help that his body was reacting to her. He felt Cordelia’s mouth envelop his dick. He looked down at her, “C-Cordel-“

Michael waved his hand, making John Henry sit back in the chair with his arms down on the armrests with his magic. Cordelia pulled back and Michael waved his hand again, making the chair recline so that John Henry was laying down. “Stop resisting her,” Michael cruelly said before addressing Cordelia with, “Fuck him.”

John Henry couldn’t move. He watched Cordelia mount him and he felt tears in his eyes over the whole situation. He knew it wasn’t Cordelia’s fault because she never really knew what she was doing. This was all Michael flexing his complete control over all of them. He felt Cordelia lower herself onto him. He bit his lip with a grunt. As fucked up as this was, she did feel good. He heard Michael’s voice tell her, “Fuck him how you want.”

Cordelia rose up and down on him a few times then switched to rolling her hips into him. John Henry couldn’t help but groan. Cordelia’s hands settled on his lower stomach as she started rolling her hips into him harder. She let out a low moan, which caused him to groan again.

“This is insane,” Baldwin exasperated. He teared up, along with Aerial and Behold. They started to stand up and Michael screamed, “Sit down!” That put them back in their seats.

“I need more,” Cordelia gasped. Knowing what she meant, Michael withdrew his hold on John Henry’s right arm. John Henry turned his arm and looked at it with confusion. Michael said, “She said she needs more.” Then, he told Cordelia, “Put his hand where you want it.”

Cordelia took his hand and brought it over to her pussy. She pressed his fingers into her clit, “Please, rub it.”

There was a fight in his mind. Should he consciously touch her when she was in this state? Thinking about how Michael was forcing this on her, he decided to at least make it feel good for her. He used two fingers to rub her clit while she ground down into him over and over. Moans started leaving her freely as her hips got faster.

There was no containing his grunts and groans now. It felt too good. He clenched his teeth. He was close to cumming and the shake in her legs told him that she was too.

The pressure between them was building and building. Suddenly, John Henry felt freedom in his own body. Michael chuckled a dark laugh, “I don’t have a hold on you now. You can move. Are you going to stop her or keep going?”

John Henry could barely think through the pleasure. He saw Cordelia’s head fall back. He grabbed her hip to hold her up through it as he felt her clenching around him. “OH! AW!” She screamed as she shivered, and her body clenched onto him.

His back came up partially off the chair as he pressed his hips up into her more. His mouth fell open with a loud groan, “UH!”

He came in her hard and his back settled onto the chair as his fingers slowed to help her come back down. Cordelia moaned quieter this time as her hips slowed to a standstill. John Henry’s breathing was ragged.

Michael laughed, “You couldn’t stop her. You didn’t want to.”

John Henry immediately felt guilt and shame. Cordelia looked down at him. He saw her eyes widen slightly for a split second, a brief look of recognition. Awareness seemed to have hit her before it quickly vanished again. That made him feel even more shitty. She was still in there...somewhere.

Cordelia slowly eased herself off him.

—-

Everyone except Michael and Cordelia were gathered together. It’d been quite a while since the Cordelia/John Henry ordeal and Michael still hadn’t let her leave the room. John Henry was sitting in the corner to himself trying to get a grip on his emotions.

“It was terrible,” Aerial told the witches. He glanced over his shoulder at John Henry before lowering his voice and continuing, “He made Cordelia rape John Henry.” Baldwin added, “He did it in such a psychologically scarring way, taking away John Henry’s control only to give it back when it was too late.”

Behold nodded and said, “I’m sure John Henry feels like he’s at fault. It was disgusting.”

The witches were all gawking at them with wide eyes and tears crawling down their cheeks. Coco quietly and uncomfortably asked, “When you say Michael gave his control back when it was too late you mean...while he was...cumming?” She shifted uncomfortably.

Aerial paused to swallow the lump in his throat before quietly answering, “It was right before. They were both too far gone. Michael made us stay in the room.”

Mallory spoke up, “He’s making her force herself on other people. He keeps getting worse. You all need to kill me so she has a chance.”

—-

Hours later, Michael still hadn’t let Cordelia leave the room. Cordelia’s was on her back on the couch. Michael has a knee on the couch and a foot on the floor as he pounded away at her. He was beating her hard, so hard she was whimpering in pain with tears in her eyes. His hand wrapped in her hair and pulled so tight that she screamed out in pain.

“Michael, stop! Please!”

She was full on crying now.

“No.”

Mallory sat curled up on her bed, clutching at her lower stomach from the intense pain she felt as an extension from Cordelia. Coco was sitting beside her with a kind hand on her back. She looked at Coco, “The pain is so bad. It gives me a whole other understanding of what Cordelia goes through every day.”

Cordelia felt like the force and the severity of the stretch was going to cause her to die. It was pure pain. Comparable to being blinded with acid. Comparable to gouging her eyes out with shears. She couldn’t remember why either of those events had occurred, but she remembered experiencing the pain. She felt like she was going to die if he didn’t stop soon.

“OW!” Mallory screamed. She doubled over in pain. “OW! AHHHHHHH! PLEASE GOD MAKE IT STOP!”

Coco rubbed her back. Worried and upset, she gently whispered, “It’ll be over soon, Mal.”

Mallory’s screams had attracted everyone’s attention. They had all rushed to her room.

“Again?” Zoe carefully asked Coco, who nodded her answer.

Misty looked at Mallory in horror, “If he’s hurting her this bad, imagine what Cordelia is feeling.” After her statement, the Cajun rushed out of the room. Madison and Myrtle hurried after her.

The three witches quickly found them due to Cordelia’s screams of agony and cries for him to stop. Misty screamed, “GET THE FUCK OFF OF HER!” She picked up a nearby lamp and nailed him in the head with it. The lamp broke at the contact, broken pieces falling on Cordelia and all around them.

The hit barely fazed him. He pulled out of Cordelia, let go of her hair, and turned around in a flash. He rushed over to Misty while Cordelia rolled off the couch and crawled behind the couch and over to the corner. Cordelia was sobbing. It was like a child trying to get away from their abuser. Myrtle rushed over and crotchet down in front of her, comforting her with a hug.

Michael cruelly said, “I would kill you for that, but watching how powerless your dear Supreme is with me everyday is a better punishment.” He sneered as he started out of the room. “Clean her up for me,” he called over his shoulder.

“That disgusting prick,” Madison said with genuine disgust.

The two of them rushed over to crotch down by Cordelia. Myrtle pulled out of the hug at their presence. There was no choice but for them to bawl their eyes out with her. After a moment, Myrtle encouraged, “Talk to us if you can, Dear.”

Cordelia sniffled, “It hurts.”

Misty put an arm around her and pulled her close, a hand smoothing the hair down that Michael had been on the verge of ripping out. “How bad?” the Cajun softly asked.

“Michael said I was getting blood on him,” Cordelia weakly answered.

That triggered fresh tears from everyone. Madison blinked her eyes to try to get control of the waterworks. She couldn’t handle this. “At least you’re crying about the physical pain and not anything else.” They knew the mental and emotional pain would scar her far worse if she was ever able to fully comprehend what was going on.

“What?” Cordelia asked.

Madison patted her knee, “Nothing.” She shared a look with Misty and Myrtle before standing and heading toward the doorway.

She stopped when everyone else came into the room. They had all come to check on Cordelia. Zoe walked over and handed her a dress, “Here,” she said. Cordelia put it on, and Myrtle and Misty proceeded to help her stand up. The two witches walked Cordelia over to one of the chairs and she sat. They knew better than to sit her down on the couch.

Queenie stared at her Supreme, who was far more vulnerable than she had been with Fiona or Hank. “Holy shit, are you going to be okay?” Queenie asked.

Cordelia didn’t answer she just sat there and sniffled. Mallory weakly said, “Miss Cordelia, I love you. I’m not standing by and letting this happen anymore. You need a fighting chance.” Mallory pulled a knife out of her boot.

“When did you get that?” Coco asked with shock.

Mallory turned to Misty, “If you can’t bring me back don’t blame yourself.” Then, Mallory slit her throat. Cutting from below one ear to the other.

“No!” Misty and Zoe had screamed but it was too late.

Mallory made a chocking, gurgling noise with a sad yet satisfied smile on her face. Blood had spurted out everywhere. She hit the ground with a thud. Coco dropped to her knees and turned her over to her back. “Mallory, why? I love you.”

Mallory looked her in the eye as her skin got paler and more blood came out. Her lips tilted up into a smile again before her eyes went wide and lifeless.


	3. The Beginning Of The Aftermath

After the initial shock of Mallory killing herself wore off, everybody’s attention shifted to Cordelia. They could all sense power going in her direction as it rushed out of Mallory. Cordelia’s crying never stopped; she sobbed louder. When she looked up, by looking into her eyes they could tell that she wasn’t empty inside anymore, she was broken.

As her eyes went to where Mallory’s body laid in the floor, she whimpered, “Mallory.” She slowly stood and made her way over to her body with tears falling down her face. She let out a heartbreaking sob as she knelt down beside her and took the knife out of her hand.

Myrtle was the only one to speak. She carefully asked, “What do you recall happening since coming to Outpost Three?”

Cordelia tilted her head back to look at her. “Everything.” She slowly stood up, clutching to the knife, with as much venom as possible she said, “Let’s kill him.”

She started out of the room in a hurry. They all rushed to follow her, both to offer assistance and because they feared what Michael would do to her once she found him. Cordelia led them to Michael’s room. She knew he’d be there. She slung his door open with telekinesis and they all went in.

Michael had been standing by the fireplace. He turned to face them. There was a sick smirk on his face as his gaze focused on Cordelia, “Look who it is.” He was immediately aware that she was now coherent. The rage behind Cordelia’s eyes forced him against the wall with telekinesis.

She stepped up to him. Everyone else walking up closer behind her. She stared into his demonic eyes, “Fuck you. You deserve to rot.”

He noticed her grip on the knife by her side. “You really think you can kill me?” he taunted. His eyes got even darker before he asked, “Are you sure you don’t want another ride?” He smirked and she swiftly raised the knife up and stabbed him in the neck.

He gasped and jerked out of the telekinetic hold. He grabbed ahold of her arms. All the witches and warlocks lent their own telekinetic powers until he was firmly back against the wall. Cordelia pulled the knife out and stabbed him in the chest repeatedly. Blood splattered on her face from the impact. With loud sobs, she stabbed him close to twenty times before his eyes rolled back and the others released their hold on him. His body sunk to the floor.

“Cordelia, he’s dead,” Zoe softly said.

Cordelia fell to her knees beside him, pulled the knife up in the air above her head with both hands, and stabbed in down into his abdomen and neck over and over again.

All the witches and warlocks looked around at each other uncomfortably. They knew this brutality was her trying to take back some of the brutality she had endured. Madison and Misty exchanged a heartbroken, tear-filled look.

Myrtle finally walked over and stopped her with a kind hand to her shoulder blade, “Cordelia, you need to stop. It’s over. He’s dead.” Cordelia was still crying as she let her hands settle down. Myrtle gently pried the knife out of her hands and scooted it across the floor toward the others. Ariel picked it up, “I’ll take care of this,” he said as he left to destroy it.

Myrtle wrapped her arms around Cordelia and gently used a hand to ease Cordelia’s head down to her shoulder. Cordelia was visibly shaking she was so upset, and Myrtle could feel the tremors more harshly than she was expecting. She whispered, “You’re safe, Dear. Let it all out.” The others left to give Cordelia some privacy. They all knew it’d be an extremely hard road for her to recover from everything that he did to her.

It was sort of a mixed emotion within the group as they walked down the hallway. They were extremely, _extremely_, glad that Michael was dead, and they were glad that Cordelia was back. Except they knew that she wouldn’t be her old self. How could she after all the memories and knowledge of everything that’d happened had come front and center in her mind? She would still be deeply suffering.

Apparently, they were all thinking the same thing because Zoe softly spoke up, “You guys, we have to be there for Cordelia. She’s going to need us.”

There were a few verbal agreements and then Misty suddenly remembered, “Oh shit, I need to try to bring back Mallory.” They’d all seemed to have forgotten since they were all so focused on Cordelia.

So, while Myrtle was with Cordelia, they all went to Mallory’s body. It was surprisingly easy for Misty to bring her back on her own.

Mallory’s eyes fluttered open and Misty helped her sit up. Mallory took in all the faces watching her. She turned back to Misty, “Did it work? Did she-”

“She’s back,” Misty replied, “She killed Michael, but she’s...not going to be the same.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“It’s already obvious that she’s terrorized by what he did to her,” John Henry said with a sympathetic voice.

—-

It’d been two weeks. Cordelia was getting into her bed for the night, already stressed about what she’d see when she closed her eyes. She had been beyond happy and relieved that Mallory was alive again, but she couldn’t truly feel happiness anymore. Fear, distress, rage, and embarrassment were the only emotions she could feel.

After tossing and turning for hours she was finally able to fall asleep. Slipping into unconsciousness, the only thing she ever saw was him. Him...forcing his way inside her with a disturbing look in his eyes.

She was screaming in her sleep. Loud, painful screams filled with anguish. Then, she felt someone gently shaking her awake while saying her name, “Cordelia, wake up. It’s not real. It’s a nightmare, Dear.”

She woke up to see Myrtle standing over her. Cordelia was gasping as she tried to catch her breath and she noticed that she was covered in sweat. Myrtle was right; it was only a nightmare. That didn’t mean that her life hadn’t been exactly like that until recently. She started sobbing as tears freely flowed. She couldn’t help it. She sat up and pulled Myrtle into a hug.

The older witch simply got into bed and laid under the covers with her. Holding her back just as tightly. She ended up sleeping with Cordelia for the rest of the night. This had happened every night since Cordelia had returned to her senses.

—

A few days later Zoe, Queenie, Coco, Misty, Behold, and Baldwin all found themselves in the kitchen together. “Is Cordelia still in bed?” Baldwin asked.

Queenie replied with a sad sigh, “Yeah, Myrtle’s still with her too.”

“It’s terrible that she can’t even escape him in her dreams,” Coco said.

Zoe didn’t know if she should add this part, but she reasoned with herself that letting the others know could possibly be for the best in case Cordelia did try it. She finished washing her plate and put it away in the cabinet. She faced them and sadly added, “Cordelia’s contemplating suicide. Myrtle told me that she’s afraid she’s going to do it one of these days. She said after the nightmares that Cordelia says over and over again that she wishes Michael would’ve killed her.”

They were all shocked when Behold calmly said, “Just because she says that doesn’t mean she’s contemplating suicide. That seems like it would be a normal reaction to me.”

Misty gave him a look, “What? Are you stupid? She’s in distress and if she’s telling Myrtle over and over again than she obviously thinks it would’ve been for the best.”

Behold replied, “Look, Misty, I’m sorry. I’ve never dealt with anything like this either.”

—

Later that day, Misty went to Cordelia’s bedroom. Cordelia had barely left the room today and after what Zoe had said, Misty was extra worried about her. She knocked on the door and Cordelia invited her in. Misty sat down on the bed to face her and noticed that she looked tired.

Misty wasn’t sure how to start the conversation. She started with a gentle, “Another rough day?”

Cordelia replied with a weary, “Every day is rough. They’re all the same.”

Misty thought she looked more exhausted as she spoke. Misty tried to offer encouragement by saying, “Maybe you’ll start sleeping better.”

Cordelia’s eyes reflected nothing but trauma as she said, “Misty, I can’t take this anymore?”

“Can’t take what?” Misty asked.

“Life.”

—

The next week and a half were bad. Worse than usual. Cordelia had been caught just after slitting her wrist twice. The first time, Madison had been the one to catch her. The young witch had screamed for help and ended up having a mental breakdown herself.

The second time, Queenie had found her. She reacted differently. She’d brought Cordelia a towel, wrapped it around her wrist, and helped her apply pressure to stop the bleeding. It had been easy to figure out that Cordelia wasn’t trying to actually kill herself, she was just trying to find an outlet for all the pain.

Queenie had asked her, “Why would you do this? The cuts aren’t deep enough to do anything?”

Cordelia had quietly said, “I feel like giving up. I’m tired of fighting but I can’t go to Hell and be with him.”

That was what had made Queenie’s heartbreak. She started bawling her eyes out. Then, Cordelia asked, “Will you kill me? Maybe then I can make it to Heaven.”

Queenie had to excuse herself after that. Her crying got uncontrollable and she found everyone else and told them about what Cordelia had done, said, and what she asked her to do.

Another two or three days passed, and it’d been a month. Cordelia took a plate of food into one of the lounge rooms for dinner. She had taken a step inside the dining room and as soon as her eyes landed on the table, an immediate flashback of Michael bending her over it hit her hard. She stopped dead in her tracks, even though Behold was right behind her.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, and she felt lightheaded and dizzy. Her suddenly stopping caused Behold to bump into her. She gasped in a breath of air, feeling like at any moment she might pass out. “Oops, sorry,” Behold said.

She turned around and he can’t sight of the panic on her face. “Are you ok?” he asked.

“I have to get out of here,” she whispered hurriedly and then she walked out of the room. That was when she found her way to one of the lounge rooms that had rarely, if ever, been used since she’d been here…one of the only rooms Michael hadn’t raped her in. She sat down and managed to eat some of her food.

Back in the dining room, Behold sat down at the table and addressed the witches, “One of you should probably go check on her. She looked like she was having a full-blown panic attack.”

“I’ll go find her. We can eat together,” Mallory said as she stood with her plate.

Myrtle said, “Mallory, my dear.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t mention how you could feel _that _toward the end, when he was…” Myrtle trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud. When Mallory gave her a sad nod to signal that she understood, the older witch continued, “At least not yet while she’s so fragile. And don’t mention your suicide unless she brings it up. I can’t imagine how talking about either of those things can help her.

“Got it,” Mallory replied before she headed out of the room to find Cordelia.

After she left, Baldwin asked the group, “Have any of you noticed that Cordelia seems particularly edgy around men?”

Madison was the one to answer, “No. The little time she interacts, she always seems like that to me.”

Baldwin pursed his lips as he pondered, “I don’t know, yesterday she was helping me mop the floors, I walked up to her to tell her I was done. As soon as my hand touched her back, she flinched and jerked away.”

Zoe thought out loud, “Hmm. Did you walk up from behind her?”

“No.”

Madison shrugged her shoulder, “It could be a man thing. To me, she seems uncomfortable and agitated. She doesn’t flinch away from me, but then again I haven’t touched her since I walked in on her after…” Madison trailed off and took a drink of water. Before all this she tried to portray herself as a stone-cold bitch, but even she was greatly affected by all of this.

Mallory ended up finding Cordelia. Cordelia welcomed her company. The two of them ate together in silence. It was fine by Mallory. She knew sometimes people couldn’t talk about things and that sometimes they just needed someone to be there. That’s what Mallory did for her during their time together. She was just present, but she as _there_.

\--

The next day, John Henry was listening to the radio with Ariel, Misty, Zoe, and Coco. Cordelia joined them for about twenty minutes, before she exchanged an awkward look with John Henry and then made her exit.

“She hates being around me,” John Henry commented.

Coco said, “Michael made her force herself on you, right? It’s understandable that she doesn’t know how to interact with you. Who knows what’s going on in her head?”

John Henry rubbed a hand over his face with a groan, “I hope she doesn’t think I wanted that to happen and that I’m some kind of rapist.” He brought a fist down on the cabinet that the radio was sitting on, “Damn!” he exclaimed at the thought.

Ariel patted his shoulder, “What Michael did to both of you was terrible. I saw how terrible it was. She probably needs time to process.”

Misty hesitated before adding, “She could think you feel like she raped you. Like Coco said, it’s untelling what she really thinks.”

Ten minutes passed. John Henry tried to relax and let the music soothe him but that wasn’t working. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

“Hey,” Zoe called out as he was leaving, “Don’t make sudden movements or touch her.”

\--

“Come in,” Cordelia called out. She was laying on the bed. John Henry could tell by how rigid her body became that she wasn’t happy that it was him. He slowly stepped inside the room; he kept the door held open in an attempt to put her mind at ease. That was in case she felt like she needed to make a quick escape

“May I come in?” he asked.

She sat up against the headboard. She gave a jerky nod, “Sure.” John Henry saw her take a deep breath.

“Is it okay if I shut the door?”

She seemed to be a little calmer as she said, “Yeah, that’s fine.”

He closed the door and walked around to the other side of the bed. He stood, unsure if he should sit. Cordelia said, “You can sit.”

He sat beside her. It was awkward at first and silent. He thought he’d know what to say, but really being here with her alone was different. He didn’t know how to start. He fidgeted with his hands as Cordelia drew her legs up and to her side, almost sitting on them. They gave each other uncomfortable, tense looks ever so often before averting their gazes to anything else in the room.

John Henry avoided looking up from his hands as he finally decided to say what came to his mind, “Um, I’m sorry if you think I wanted him to make that happen. That wasn’t the case. I didn’t know he was going to do that. I didn’t want it.”

He made himself look up into Cordelia’s eyes when she didn’t respond. She was quiet for a moment and then asked, “You didn’t want it?”

“No Cordelia, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want you.”

At that grimace she gave him, he worried that he made it sound like he thought she was ugly. He fidgeted and rushed to try to correct himself, “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not that I don’t find you attractive. You are.” She shifted farther away from him at that.

He was starting to worry about how creepy he was most likely coming across. “Shit.” He calmed himself before he made matters worse. He calmly said, “What I meant to say was, I would never ever make you do anything you didn’t want to. That was all Michael. It was disgusting that he made us both do that. I wish it would’ve never happened, but I can’t change the fact that it did.”

Cordelia let out a soft yet audible exhale. She asked, “Do you mind if I lay down? This whole thing makes my head spin.”

“Sure, do whatever you want. It’s your room.”

Cordelia laid down on her back. Looking up at him she said, “You can lay down too. It’s weird to talk to you like this.”

“Ok.” He didn’t figure she’d want him this close to her. Maybe it wasn’t that she was uncomfortable around men. Maybe she was just extra anxious the day Baldwin freaked her out. He laid down beside her on his back.

They turned their heads to look at each other. Cordelia said, “I didn’t think you wanted that, by the way. I thought that you thought I raped you because technically I did.”

He could feel his mouth drop open. “No! I don’t think that at all. That wasn’t your fault, Cordelia. He made you do that just like he made you do everything else.”

“I don’t know. It’s all so embarrassing and fucked up. Thinking about the stuff he made me do in front of all of you and thinking about the stuff he did to me makes me want to die.”

John Henry felt for her, “Don’t say that. It’ll take time but you can learn to live with it. Don’t give up. I assure you a thousand percent that the whole thing with you and me wasn’t your fault. None of that stuff was, it was him showing everybody that he had the ultimate power over you.”

Cordelia broke eye contact briefly before regaining it, “I wish we wouldn’t have brought you into it too.” Cordelia lightly grabbed John Henry’s hand. There was a small pause and then she whispered, “Do you want to have sex?”

Oh, shit. He sure hadn’t expected this to happen. “What? Why would you want to do that after…everything?”

She slid her hand more firmly into his until he laced his fingers with hers. She quietly said, “It could replace the other time. We would have the control. And…” she hesitated before continuing, “…I really don’t want Michael to be the last person that was inside me.”

“Um…I…,” he didn’t know what to say. He was pretty sure that having sex with her wouldn’t help anything. He didn’t know that for a fact, but how could it help? But, then again, how much could it possibly hurt? She was already in pretty bad shape. He was leaning toward not doing it, but she seemed to want to and he had to admit she did look pretty good. He couldn’t. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Somehow her expression turned sadder, “Ok.”

He didn’t want to make her feel worse. “Well…I mean, only if you’re sure you want to,” he said. Fuck, he didn’t know what he should do. If she said yes, he was going to go through with it.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” she said.

Maybe she just needed to feel wanted and like she was worth something, he thought. “I don’t,” he said. Then, he turned to face her and slowly leaned in to connect their lips. She kissed back. He was careful not to be too forceful.

He was careful when he let his hand wonder to her chest. He was barely touching her. When he got a soft noise of approval against his lips, he cupped her. Cordelia pulled her lips back just enough to whisper, “You can touch me, I promise.”

They were kissing again, and he squeezed her breast. He felt her hand wonder down to rub his penis through his pants. He groaned at the contact. He is a red-blooded male and he was already hard for her. Breaking the kiss, he asked, “How do you want it?”

Cordelia moved her hand up to unbutton and unzip his pants, “You on top. It’ll be the furthest away from the other time.”

“Alright.” He gently eased her to her back. He got on his knees to reach up her dress and pull her underwear down. When her panties landed in the floor, she spread her legs for him. He got situated between her legs and pushed her dress up to her waist. “Are you sure about this?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He pulled his penis out of his pants, easing his pants and underwear down out of the way, and he leaned down close to her. She held onto him as he slowly entered her. There was a gasp from her and a groan from him. He slowly started thrusting.

He noticed that she was somewhat wet, so maybe it was ok.

He grunted. “You feel so good,” he groaned out.

He started thrusting faster. There was one small moan from Cordelia, then he noticed that she was starting to cry. He stopped and pulled out of her, “Cordelia! Hey, are you ok? I’m sorry. I knew we shouldn’t have done this.”

The tears were coming out faster, harder. She whimpered out, “Will you leave me alone?”

“Of course.” He stood and situated his clothing. He picked her underwear up out of the floor and laid them on the bed for her. “I’m leaving. God, I feel terrible.”

He started to the door and when he turned the knob, he heard her say, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he said without looking back. He knew if he looked at her then he would feel even worse. He stepped out of the room, shut the door behind him, and left.

He mentally scolded himself, wondering why he let himself do something so reckless and stupid. Not to mention, how damaging it could be to Cordelia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, some of the stuff I put in this story is so hard to write.


	4. Burn Him Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cordelia feels as low as ever and takes matters into her own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for self-harm

John Henry rushed to find the others. He tried to blink back tears. The full force of how greatly he may have fucked Cordelia up was now apparent. He could reason to himself that it wouldn’t mess her up any worse when she was laying beside him looking so pretty. Now, with all his heart he knew that had been a mistake. 

He burst into the main lounge room to find the others. “John Henry, what’s the matter my brother?” Ariel asked.

All the warlocks and witches crowded around him. He felt ashamed and embarrassed to tell them, but he was greatly worried the act may push Cordelia to do something severe. He, a grown man, cried as he told them, “I did something idiotic and careless.”

He had all of their attention. An impatient Queenie asked, “What?”

He ran a hand down his face, pinching his nose before letting it drop and spitting out, “I had sex with Cordelia.” 

They were all shocked. “When?” Behold asked.

“Just now.”

There was a moment of silence as they all tried to process this. “How could you be so reckless?” Zoe asked with dismay. 

Madison gave him a pissed off look, “Couldn’t keep it in your pants around a rape victim.” She gave him the biggest eye roll imaginable. 

Ariel came to his defense, “Hold on. Let’s give him a chance to explain.” He nodded for John Henry to continue. 

“I... uh... we were sitting on her bed. I went to talk to her about what Michael made us do... I wanted to know what she was thinking. We were talking... and she asked if I wanted to have sex.” John Henry stopped and let out a sob. 

“So, that’s when you decided to stick it in?” Madison coldly asked.

John Henry got his breathing under control. “I turned her down at first. Cordelia said if we did it then it could replace the other time and that we would be the ones in control. She’s haunted by Michael, and from what I can tell, she craves to feel like she has control of herself again. I didn’t want to make her feel worse... I went back and forth with the decision. She said she wanted to... and we did.” 

He paused to take a breath and then he continued, “It was only for a couple of minutes. She started crying... and I stopped. Fuck, I feel like shit. She asked me to leave. I came here to tell you all because I’m afraid it’ll push her into full-on suicide mode. I regret it... I thought she wanted it... she seemed to think she wanted it too.”

“Fucking idiot,” Madison muttered under her breath as she looked away with a bitchy expression on her face.

Myrtle nodded toward John Henry, “We should all keep a closer eye on her.”

\--

Ariel was the one sitting beside Cordelia on the couch in one of the lounge rooms when she felt herself break. She didn’t expect him to be the one that she let it happen in front of. She started crying hysterically out of nowhere, obviously catching him off guard.

He turned toward her and scooted closer, “You can let it out,” he assured her. Slowly, he put his hand between her shoulder blades and urged her closer to provide comfort. Cordelia never let her eyes come up to his as she leaned into him, putting her face to his chest and holding onto him.

Before all this stuff with Michael had happened, Ariel and Cordelia had never seen eye to eye. Ariel had even strongly disliked her enough to convince himself that he hated her. He had admitted to himself that her power was the reason he never cared for her. He had been jealous.

Michael had sure knocked her down not only a step or two but a couple dozen. That first night when Michael had disgraced her so dramatically, Ariel realized he didn’t truly hate her. Even if he had, he would have never wished anything so vile on her. Getting raped repeatedly, he’d never had to deal with that, and he wasn’t sure Cordelia could deal with it. He felt bad for her, worse than he’d ever felt in his life.

And with Cordelia hugging him like this, he could feel how badly her whole body trembled. She was shaken to the very core. He wasn’t sure what to say. He knew there was nothing that could fall from his lips that would make her feel better. He heard one of the witch’s voices. He couldn’t tell which one through Cordelia’s loud sobs.

He gently rubbed her shoulder with his other hand, “Maybe you need one of your witches.”

“Hey,” he yelled. It wasn’t like he had to because Zoe, Mallory, and Coco were already walking through the doorway. From hearing her cries, he supposed.

The three of them rushed over. Zoe sat beside Cordelia, placing a soft palm to her back. Cordelia pulled away from Ariel and sat back on the couch. Coco and Mallory knelt down in the floor in front of her with worried looks.

Cordelia wiped at her tears with her right hand, but they were constantly pouring from her eyes. Zoe was the one to grab her free hand and softly say, “You can talk to us. I think it’d make you feel better.”

Cordelia nodded. After a few minutes to get her sobs under control, she started to let them in. Her voice was weak and hoarse. She sounded broken. “It’s all I can think about.” It was all she said for some time. It hurt her to talk about. At the same time, it was killing her to keep it bottled up.

Her thoughts raced around everything he did to her and she let what she was thinking come out, “He got so much rougher toward the end.” Her tears came out harder as she sniffled. Coco and Mallory shared a look. Cordelia didn’t know that Mallory had been able to feel the pain she was talking about briefly before he died.

Zoe kept a comforting hold on her hand. They were all patient as they gave her time to tell them whatever she needed to at this point. “It felt like he was literally beating me.” None of them could contain their winces at that. It was so disturbing and unsettling to think about. “I can still feel him on my skin and… inside me. I feel so disgusting and embarrassed… he did that to me in front of all of you.”

Surprisingly, Ariel was the one to speak up, “None of us fault you for any of that. I understand how you could feel that way. However, it was all on him. It is true that we’ve all seen you naked, but it was forced upon you by him.”

Cordelia didn’t say anything else after that. To an outsider it may seem like she didn’t say much at all. To them she said plenty.

\--

The next night, Cordelia was wide awake in her bed. She’d thrown her covers off long ago. Sleep wanted to consume her. Thoughts of him and fear of what she’d see in her nightmares kept her awake. Tears welled up in her eyes. She didn’t let them escape. She was so tired of all of this emotional and psychological pain.

She needed an outlet for it while everyone was asleep so they couldn’t stop her.

She didn’t need a knife or a razor blade. She didn’t feel like getting up to get either of them anyway. She had pyrokinesis at her fingertips and she could set herself aflame if she wanted.

Channeling her ability, she got her fingers hot. Fire hot. She didn’t want flames… yet. She just wanted to burn. Looking at her fingertips, nothing looked peculiar. They looked normal but she could feel the heat radiating there.

The proof was very present when she grabbed her wrist and felt the pain of the burn. So hot she gasped at how startling it was. Upon letting go she saw the red fingerprints etched around her wrist. Wrapping all the way around like a stack of bracelets.

She found she liked the way they looked. It was like she was decorating her skin with pain so it could leave her brain for good.

She pulled her nightshirt up her stomach. Ready for another rush of pain, she stretched her hand out. Pyrokinesis now spreading to thrum through her whole palm. Bracing herself, she sucked in a breath. Her whole hand pressed flat to her lower stomach. Palm, fingertips, and all.

She groaned quietly as she forced her body not to move away. Closed eyes and gritted teeth she felt it take her breath away. It took her out of her thoughts and forced her to focus on the physical pain. It was exactly what she wanted.

Finally lifting her hand, she looked down to appreciate the angry red handprint.

The proof would be in the pudding if anyone was present to see. She was all alone and could do what she wanted…

Her powers would heal her before the morning. Before anyone could know.

Her skin crawled at memories of him all over her body. She could still feel him there. Everywhere.

And she could feel him inside. She needed to get rid of that feeling.

Her palm cooled and her fingers. Except for two of them. She took a deep breath and asked herself if she really wanted to do this.

Nothing anyone else said or did helped. She needed to take matters into her own hands. Or in this case… fingers.

She tried to regulate her breathing because she knew this would be a shock to her system. Her hand slipped down her pajamas and underwear. She kept it curled into a fist at first. Only feeling the burn on her hand as she mentally prepared herself for this.

Multiple rapes flashed through her mind. Quickly, she uncurled her fist and pushed the two fingers in. She winced and grabbed the sheet as her body tried to writhe away. She forced herself still. It was excruciating. Her tears from earlier were finally escaping down her face.

She didn’t thrust them. She held them still as she thought about every nasty, disgusting, demented thing he did to her. Her teeth grinded together. She was burning him out.

She didn’t want to feel him there anymore.

She let her fingers get hotter. As hot as she could stand it.

It hurt _so_ much, but she preferred it to him.

When she was satisfied with how much pain she transferred from her mind to her body, she pulled her fingers out and let her hand settle on the bed.

Her face and hair were wet with tears. She was in a great amount of pain everywhere she’d touched herself. Especially _there_. She could feel how swollen she was already.

It’d all be back to normal in the morning. Along with that, she feared her thoughts of him would come back full force.

But she could deal with the physical pain. And finally, she fell asleep.


	5. But I Will Kill Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After another nightmare Cordelia feels low, lower than she's ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for self-harm & a suicide attempt

Four nights later, Cordelia woke up in her bed covered in sweat. She wiped under her eyes, they were wet not only with sweat, but tears too. She was sobbing. She’d just woken up from a terrible nightmare. It was play by play of Michael raping her so roughly in the lounge room that Misty had stormed in and thrown a lamp at his head. It was one of the roughest rapes he had committed on her. 

She sat up, distraught at reliving that. Tonight’s the night. I’m doing it. 

Her thoughts raced as she got up and went into the bathroom. Getting into the cabinet below the sink, she pulled out the knife she’d stumbled upon two days ago and hidden. She’d stumbled upon it almost like it was fate that she used it. 

She went back into the bedroom and sat down in the floor, leaning against the wall. I don’t need a bed. I don’t deserve to die there. 

She turned the knife over in her hand, studying the sharp blade. 

Burn or stab myself?

She decided on a mixture of both. The feeling of being burned soothed her but she was curious about how the blade would feel. 

Pursing her lips together, she quickly brought the knife up and stabbed herself just underneath her left shoulder. She looked down at the blood coming out as she jerked the knife out. Biting her lip to keep from screaming, she did the same to her right side. 

Her tears were heavy and thick, falling at a rapid pace. She ripped the blade out and dropped it to the floor. Blood was soaking through the tank top she’d been sleeping in and was running down her abdomen. She could feel how warm it was. It soothed how frozen her soul had felt. Now, she wanted to burn. She wanted to die aflame, bright and bold like she hadn’t been able to feel in so long. 

She snapped her fingers, watching the flame that popped up. She let it go out and willed both palms and all fingers to become fire hot. She folded her arms and let her hands wrap around her biceps. She bit hard on her bottom lip, shutting her eyes and her head thumped back into the wall. She whimpered, letting the pain take her away from everything. From her dreams, to her thoughts, to him... she let it take her from everything. 

The smell of her flesh burning filled her nostrils and she let go. Not bothering to look at the damage she’d done, she palmed her stomach, burning through the thin material and scorching her skin. She let out a gasp as she moved her hands and pressed one to her thigh, right below where her shorts fell. 

She sniffled as she cried from the pain and the acceptance that this was it. She was ready to end it. Her palm fell to the side. She looked down to see the harsh, violent handprint on her thigh. She knew it couldn’t compare to her arms and stomach, but she didn’t have it in her to look at those. 

Her eyes rose up and she let them set in front of her. She brought her hands up, took a deep breath, and pressed them to her face. One on each cheek. Her eyes slammed shut. She tried not to, but she screamed. It was the most pain she had ever felt. She whimpered and sniffled as she pressed them in firmly. The smell was indescribable, and her heart was pounding. Her fight or flight response tried to kick in, but she ignored it. There was no going back now. 

Misty stumbled to Myrtle’s door, still groggy from sleep. She knocked before pushing the door open. The older woman woke at the loud knock. “What is it, dear?”

“Did you hear something?” Misty asked as she sleepily rubbed the back of her neck. 

They both became more alert when an upset Mallory rushed up the hall to come inside the room to join them. Myrtle sat up and grabbed her glasses off the nightstand at how troubled she seemed. 

Before either of the other two said anything, Mallory rushed out, “Something’s wrong with Cordelia. I can feel her power rushing into me. She’s dying!” 

Myrtle and Misty both gasped. The older witch jumped up and they rushed toward Cordelia’s room. 

Cordelia felt herself shaking at the excruciating pain. She could feel herself getting weaker as the skin on her cheeks melted under her touch. She swallowed the lump in her throat and quietly called out to God, “Please don’t hold this against me.” Just as she was about to bring the flames out and set herself on literal fire, her door burst open. 

Her eyes popped open and she jerked her hands away. “CORDELIA!” she heard Myrtle scream before her eyes went over to see the three witches. As they came inside and rushed toward her, they covered their mouths as they choked on the smell. They gasped, shocked at how bad she looked. She was a burnt and bloody mess. Cordelia was no longer the only one crying. 

Myrtle sank down beside her as Misty screamed, “OH MY GOD!” 

“My dear Delia, w-... why didn’t you come to one of us instead of doing this to yourself?” The older witch sobbed right after she asked. 

Mallory’s eyes caught on every wound on Cordelia’s body... and face... when her eyes got a good look at them, she had to turn away at how shocking her appearance was. She felt the room spin under her, “I’m sorry, I have to step out,” she shakily mumbled. She made her way out and closed the door behind her, noticing everyone else just outside the room. 

“You’re alls screaming woke us. What’s wrong?” Coco asked. Mallory shook her head as she whimpered, too upset to answer. When Zoe reached for the doorknob, she found her voice, “You don’t want to go in there. Trust me.” 

Zoe saw how distraught and disturbed Mallory looked. She dropped her hand and asked, “What happened?”

Mallory felt her heart break as she looked down at the ground, barely above a whisper, she said, “Cordelia tried to kill herself.”

Madison asked, “What do you mean _tried_?”

Mallory couldn’t look up. It was too upsetting. “She has stab wounds and she burned herself multiple times. Her face…” she trailed off as tears kept rolling. “She would’ve done it if the influx of power wouldn’t have woken me up.” She looked up when she heard whimpers. The news had affected all of them.

John Henry spoke this time, “Is she going to be alright?”

“She’s the Supreme, she heals fast. Misty or I may have to help her out at first, but I don’t think I can do it.” Coco pulled her into a hug when her cries turned into sobs. 

Cordelia, Misty, and Myrtle could hear the crying from the other side of the door, not just from Mallory, it was all of them. “Do you see how much we all love you?” Myrtle asked Cordelia as she soothingly rubbed the back of Cordelia’s hand. 

Misty pushed Cordelia’s hair behind her shoulder to get a good look at just how bad the burn on her cheek was. She knew the other side had been done the same way. She felt her stomach churn at the sight and had to suppress a wince. It was _bad_. She had managed to stop crying so she wouldn’t freak Cordelia out, but fresh tears rolled down her own cheeks. At least they were quiet. 

Misty moved from in front of Cordelia to her side so she could put her arm around her and pull her into a sideways hug. Cordelia let her face fall to Misty’s shoulder. “Cordelia, we all love you. I love you,” Myrtle had repeated.

Cordelia only cried. She was too weak to answer. Misty and Myrtle shared a look. They both knew if it weren’t for Mallory and Cordelia’s magical connection she’d be dead right now. Misty could feel Cordelia’s weight get heavier on her, she told Myrtle, “She’s about to pass out.”

When Cordelia slipped into unconsciousness, Misty and Myrtle carried her to her bed. The older witch looked at Misty, “She needs you. You’re her best friend.”

Misty nodded. She looked Cordelia’s scorched and wounded body with heartbreak. She let herself cry again now that Cordelia couldn’t see or hear it. “I’ll do whatever I can for her. I’ll get the healing process started tonight while she’s sleeping. Even with her powers it’ll take awhile for her to fully recover. Could be days, could be weeks.”

She met Myrtle’s eyes. There was already an unspoken agreement that Cordelia couldn’t be left unsupervised. “I’ll stay with her tonight.” Myrtle hugged her, “Thank you, Misty. I know how close you all were before coming to Outpost Three.” 

They separated and Myrtle waved her hand to clean the mess in the floor. She went over and picked up the knife, “I’ll make sure this never finds it’s way back here. I’ll send it across the continent with telekinesis.” 

Myrtle made her way to the door, but hesitated. She turned to look at Cordelia once again. Misty said, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her.” With a nod, Myrtle went on her way.


	6. Somebody to Lean On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Cordelia's suicide attempt.

It’d been two weeks since Cordelia hit rock bottom and _the incident_. She hadn’t left her room. She wasn’t ready to face everyone, and she couldn’t let them see how badly she’d mutilated herself. Cordelia stood in front of the bathroom mirror, turning her head to get a good look at each side of her face. The wounds were still very visible, but nothing compared to what they were. There were still pink handprints there. Her bodily wounds had healed. 

During the two weeks, Myrtle was the only one she allowed to visit. She didn’t want the others to see what she’d done, and she knew poor Mallory was traumatized from being one of the ones to find her that night. She didn’t blame her for needing distance. 

“Ya ready to go out there?”

She turned toward the voice to the one person who hadn’t left her side: Misty.

Misty had been beyond incredible to Cordelia. She was a true best friend. She stayed with Cordelia the whole time, even when Myrtle visited her. Day. Night. Misty had been there, and it made all the difference to Cordelia. It let her know someone cared for her. 

She knew the others cared. It was different with Misty. She felt nothing but true love and acceptance. A light in the dark. 

Misty helped her through the turmoil. The days too dark to consider days ahead. The few breakdowns she’d had since _the incident _where all she could do was curl up into a ball and cry. She’d tended to her wounds without pause. She’d used her own magic to heal her as much as possible. And here she was now to help her rejoin the others for the first time. 

Cordelia was able to offer her a small smile. It was brief, then the tears started. Only these were happy tears. She pulled Misty into a hug, letting herself embrace the warmth and know that better days were ahead. She could make it through anything with Misty by her side. She turned so her lips were by Misty’s ear and whispered, “You saved my life.” 

A few seconds more and they separated. Misty’s hand was under her chin, “Hey, none of that.” Cordelia wiped her eyes as they both giggled.

Cordelia had to let her know how much she helped her, “It’s true you know. I couldn’t have made it without you.”

Misty’s lips tilted up, “I’m sure ya could, Cordelia. You’re tough.”

With an imperceptive shake of her head, Cordelia said, “I’m ready.”

At the doorway, Misty took her hand as Cordelia opened the door and they started down the hallway.

\--

Cordelia’s day had been spent interacting with the others in small doses at a time. It’s all she could manage for now, but it was something. A major step in the right direction. Misty had stayed with her in case she needed anything.

Misty knew she was Cordelia’s rock. She would do anything she could to help, to make it better. She’d been the one to hit a huge breakthrough with Cordelia five days ago, where Cordelia was actually able to explain to her in depth everything Michael did to her and how it made her feel now. It was difficult to listen to all the shit such an amazing person like Cordelia had been through, but she’d put on a brave face and held her through the violent sobs as she recounted the events. 

It had been good for Cordelia to talk. After that breakthrough, Misty had helped her come around to accepting the idea of interacting with the others again. Slowly but surely. She knew Cordelia needed time and that was perfectly ok. She was super proud of Cordelia for making it this far. 

Here they sat now with John Henry, Behold, and Zoe. The one thing Misty noticed out of tagging along with Cordelia as she had interacted with everyone was how all of their eyes had lingered and kept getting drawn back to the wounds on Cordelia’s face. She’d even had to give Coco a subtle shake of her head, so she’d try harder to stop.

She understood why it was happening: they had all pieced together how horrible the wounds had to be originally for Cordelia’s Supreme magic and her own healing powers to not have them completely healed up in two weeks time. 

Misty could see how disturbed that had each of them by the look it their eyes. She was sure Cordelia had to notice it and their stares, but Cordelia said nothing about it. She seemed to have accepted that this would happen. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Madison yelled from up the hall.

They all stood. John Henry, Behold, and Zoe were already halfway down the hallway. Misty stood still as she looked over Cordelia, who’d been frozen in place after slowly standing. Cordelia’s eyes had been on the ground. When she looked up at Misty, the Cajun saw how tormented she looked.

She was quiet as she gave Cordelia time to tell her what was wrong. She didn’t want to push her. 

Cordelia’s mouth opened once. No words came out and her mouth closed. Cordelia’s eyes flickered around the room before landing back on Misty and attempting to voice her concerns again. This time she managed to get out a quiet, “I…I can’t go in there.”

The hurt in Cordelia’s eyes was unimaginable and suddenly it hit Misty why she was so agitated: Michael had bent her over the dinner table and started raping her in front of all of them. When they had all scattered, he’d dragged her over to carry on against the wall. That was the time John Henry had gone back to fetch his jacket and heard Cordelia crying and asking Michael to stop. The first time any of them had realized she was becoming at least somewhat aware of what he was doing to her. 

Misty grabbed her hand, trying to provide comfort, “It’s not the same room. Myrtle told me they turned one of the other rooms into a dining room.” She could feel Cordelia ease up some. She reassured her, “I’ll be with you the whole time. If you need to leave or go back to your room, I’ll go with you.”

The hurt in Cordelia’s eyes retreated almost entirely and she smiled. It was a genuine smile. “Thank you, Misty. You mean so much to me.” 

“Ya mean a whole lot to me too. Now, let’s go eat.”

They started toward the new dining room hand-in-hand. Cordelia could tell it was still going to be a struggle, but she knew she could do it. She wasn’t alone like she had previously felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.


End file.
